Tread Softly

HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

W.B. Yeats

I have been blessed to volunteer in my church preschool department for the past 25 years or so, and I have led my fair share of preschool classes down the hall. Before we leave, I always tell them, "Put a bubble in your mouth, put your hands behind your back to make a ducky tail, and put marshmallows on your feet!"

(Translation: Close your mouth, keep your hands to yourself and don't stomp down the hall!)

This poem by W.B. Yeats reminds me of those marshmallow feet.

Children are dreamers. For them, life is full of wonder and possibilities. Anything is possible, for they have not yet learned the List of Things Impossible to which adults silently adhere. Moment to moment, their eager minds question and ponder and dream. And, sometimes, they trust us with those dreams.

...dreams of who I am and who I might become.

...dreams of my ideas becoming reality.

...dreams of mountains I know I can climb and victories not yet seen.

...dreams of big things I can do for Jesus.

So often, it's not until they are gone that we treasure those dreams entrusted to us by Small Ones. Busy with the details of life, we fail to listen as they whisper the secrets of their hearts. But these dreams and hopes reflect the face of the Living God, who places them on their young hearts. Don't miss the joy of those moments! Encourage those dreams. Dream with them!

Take the time, Sweet Momma, to listen to the dreams your children spread under your feet. There will always be dinners to cook, crafts to work on and tv shows to watch. Set them aside, and put on your marshmallow shoes.

And tread softly, Momma. Tread softly.

Top Ten List, Part 3

For the past two days I shared the first half of my Top Ten Things I Learned to Say as a Momma. Those five were things I have learned to say to my children.

The remainder is a list of things I say to myself. Sometimes, out loud. So, without further adieu:

#5. "This, too, shall pass."
Whether it's a baby who keeps you up all night crying, or a high schooler who keeps you up all night talking, just remember....This, too, shall pass. This applies to good moments as well as difficult ones! Whatever the stage, they will only be in it for the briefest moment. Then, that moment will be gone and it will be too late to enjoy it. So, whatever the stage, take a bird's eye view and enjoy the ride!


#4. "They are not out to get me!"
I'm actually serious about this one. No matter how much it might seem that everyone in the house has plotted against you to maintain a messy home with peanut butter-stained windows and an obstacle course on the stairs, they are NOT out to get you!

Most of the time, they really want to please you.
But, they get tired.
And they get sad.
And they get busy.
And they forget.
Just like we do.

When I realized they aren't doing this "to me," I am able to step back, breathe, and focus on training, rather than take offense and get angry.


#3. "There's a time for that."
This is most helpful to me with regard to messes. I have learned that having a housekeeping schedule maintains peace and order in our home. If I know that there is a time later today that's already set aside for someone to address that mess, I am able to ignore it for now, and enjoy the moment. Which leads me to #2....


#2. "Let it go."
Not every mistake needs to be corrected. Not every lesson has to be taught verbally. I have six children. If I point out every mistake, every mess, made by every one of them, I will be griping all day long. If I'm fussing at them all day, they just learn to ignore me. And they learn that raising children isn't fun. And they learn to avoid me and our home. This is not what I want; I want my children to see what a joy they are to me, and what a joy it is to raise them. I want them to enjoy our family and our home.

I am learning to just let things go. This is difficult for me, but I have noticed that, when I do, our home has an atmosphere of peace. The rest of the home mirrors my mood.


And the #1 I say to myself, as a Momma?

"God isn't finished, yet!"
God is not finished with my children, yet. He is saving them, daily, from the bondage of sin. He is training them in righteousness, conforming them to His image. But, He isn't finished, yet. And He isn't finished with me, either! We have to teach our children to understand this concept, and show them grace as they learn to be like Christ. In turn, they will learn to extend grace to the unfinished works around them.


Keep these thoughts in mind as you snuggle your children today.
And pray.
A lot.

Top Ten List, Part 2

Yesterday, I began the Top Ten Things I Have Learned to Say as a Momma, which I delivered at a MomHeart conference in Dallas. The first five items are things I say to my children. We covered #10, "Actually, he is the boss of you," and #9, "I'll give you two guesses," yesterday.


8. "Kind words or no words."
"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Proverbs 10:19

My children love to talk. Sometimes, though, they speak without thinking and say hurtful things to one another. This is never acceptable. I want them to learn to choose the right word at the right time, and speak the truth in love. When they speak unkindly to one another, I remind them that, in our home, speaking is a privilege, not a right. That privilege may be suspended if it is abused. Forced silence is a fate worse than death to my verbose children, so this is a very effective tool! This helps them learn the self-control they need throughout their lives.


7. "What am I going to say?"
Another fantastic discipline tool. Let them lecture themselves! Most of the time, the child already knows he has made a poor choice, and he regrets it. By the time he older, he knows all of your speeches by heart, anyway. So, it goes something like this:

Child hits sister.

Mom: "____(insert name of Precious Child)____, what am I going to say?"

Child: "We don't hit."

Mom: "Why not?"

Child: "Because it's not kind."

Mom: "So, how are you going to fix the situation?"

Child: "Apologize."

Mom: "And, next time?"

Child: "Don't hit."

Done! And Mom didn't have to scream, or yell or anything!


6. "Do over." aka "Try again."

I love do overs. If we say or do something hurtful or wrong, we can call a do over and try again. This gives the child a chance to practice correct behavior. Moms get do overs, too!

I also use this when I receive an unacceptable response from a child. When they are very small, I feed them the correct words to repeat back to me. When they are older, though, I just tell them, "Try again," until I get the required response.

Now, we talk about the fact that, once they are out there, our words can't really be taken back , but a do over goes a long way towards healing relationships. It helps people to see each others' hearts, even when their initial words or actions are wrong.

********

Tomorrow we will discuss the second half of the list, Top Ten Things I Say to Myself about raising children. Have a blessed day with your precious children!

Top Ten List, Part 1

David Letterman, from Late Show with David Letterman, CBS photo

I have always enjoyed David Letterman's show. His dry humor reminds me of my brother, and that makes me smile. The best parts of Letterman's show are the top ten list he offers every night, and the occasional Stupid Pet Tricks and Stupid Human Tricks segments.

In true Letterman fashion, I recently delivered my own Top Ten List to a group of 800 moms at a mother's retreat in Dallas. Many have asked me to post the list, so here you go!


Top Ten Things I Have Learned to Say as a Momma:
To the Children (#10-6):

10. "Actually, he IS the boss of you."

When my son was young, I was continually fussing at him for "parenting" his sisters.

"Their mother is here," I would tell him. "I don't need you to be in charge. You worry about yourself, and I will worry about them."

Well, this was all well and good until, years later, I wanted my son to babysit his sisters so we could have our coveted Date Nights.

"You're not the boss of me!" became the girls' new mantra. It took quite a bit of work for me to undo the mess I had made. I immediately established a chain of command, and began to stand behind the decisions of the older children.

It would have been much easier if I had known, from the beginning, to grant the older children authority over their younger siblings. This gives them great practice in learning what is a good leader, and creates more order in our home.

9. "I'll give you two guesses!"

I have five daughters, and one son. They are all talkers. I hear an endless barrage of questions, all day long! They all just have so much to say!

A sweet friend once noticed my plight, and taught me the "two guesses" trick that her grandmother used. Here's how it works:

Child: "Momma, why do I need a jacket?"

Momma (old response, includes sarcastic, irritated tone and a fair amount of eye rolling):
"Because it is w-i-n-t-e-r!!!! You already know you need a jacket! Can you really not see the snow outside? It should not be a shock that I ask you to get a jacket! How hard is it? Go get your jacket on. Now!!!"

Result? The child is hurt and resentful, Momma is angry and the argument most likely took more time than we had before we needed to head out the door. But, with the two guesses trick....

Child: "Momma, why do I need a jacket?"

Momma (pleasantly, because it's a game): "I'll give you two guesses."

Child: "Because....it's cold outside?"

Momma: "You got it! See, you didn't even need two guesses! Look how smart you are!"

Result: Everyone moves happily out the door, wearing jackets and smiles. The child learns that he is pretty smart, and Momma thanks the Lord for such an intelligent child.

Alternate Result: Occasionally, Momma discovers that the child really doesn't know the answer to the question. Thus, Momma learns that the child is not trying to irritate her, but honestly seeking to learn something. Imagine that!


Try putting these into action today, and I'll share the rest of the things I have learned to say to my children tomorrow!